Judgement Day
On July 10, 2017 by Speranza
It’s always strange to me how certain moments in your life are especially memorable even it they have no reason to be and can be recalled again and again with complete clarity. I remember parking on a free-lined street nearly nine years ago now and since I was early for an appointment decided to just wait in the car till it was closer to the time. It was mid-morning, someone was cutting their grass so the air was filled with that luscious green smell of fresh earth and sweetness. I was sleep-deprived and close to tears (again) as it was not long after my husband had left. As I watched, I saw a pewter Subaru pull into the driveway of a well-maintained home with a tangled English garden in front and fat bumblebees were lowering themselves into hooded flowers. A woman with a blondish-grey ponytail pulled sleekly through the back of a navy baseball hat got out of the car and carefully balancing a Starbucks cup, frisked up the steps in form-fitting running gear before absent-mindedly pointing the car keys over her shoulder to chook-chook the lock. Then the house door clicked shut and she was gone from my view.
I can still see her now. And I am ashamed to report the rage and corrosive judgement that I felt twisting in my chest cavity about this woman.
Clearly, she had a gardener, money to burn and no cares in the world. I could not believe – and I replayed it again and again – how she just effortlessly locked that car and entered this almost-mansion. Without even knowing, without even appreciating how lucky she was. Was there a doctor-husband inside there as well? I began to picture Chris Hemsworth with a stethoscope which by the way, if you have time to spare is definitely worthwhile.
Anyway, a torrent of tears (many of which may have been self-pitying) followed. But later that day I suddenly, eerily really, recalled something I had once read by Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hahn: when you are happily judging someone or becoming angry with someone (for example, that rude server in the restaurant)ask yourself this important question:
Are you sure?
This poor woman I was so filled with scorn for could have just received a devastating health diagnosis; she could have lost a parent; she could have been going through a divorce herself. Or all three!
The point is, I had absolutely NO idea and I had made up my own script to justify my own indignation and stinging envy.
Not my finest hour, for sure. But I have never forgotten the insight and I am grateful for that at least.
An excellent post, both in the sentiment and the execution!