Poetry . The General . Travel . Writers
Journal of a Solitude
On July 31, 2016 by Speranza
I have no real sense of direction.
Those who love me and know me well accept this and are not surprised by it anymore; but when we set out for Old Orchard on our car trip this year, I hesitantly pored over the map and asked gingerly (in case I was ludicrously off the mark) to inquire if we might go via Nelson, New Hampshire so that I could visit the grave of poet, author and journal-writer May Sarton. The General assessed the map quickly, drawing a finger along the route, turning it a few times, finally pronouncing the idea “not even a problem” and went on to suggest that we pop along to Robert Frost’s graveside as well since it was on the way.
(Can I tell you that I absolutely love not having to justify what most people would consider a totally insane waste of time and my heart just swelled).
He added: “Graveyards on the way down! We really are a fun couple aren’t we?”
Grey Divorce . The General . Travel
Maine Deconstructed
On July 28, 2016 by Speranza
The General and I are just back from Old Orchard Beach in Maine which is the sleepy, predictable kind of holiday that I often really enjoy. The lush, yet austere landscape of Maine and the cottage itself are hugely significant to The General since he has enjoyed many golden-hued summers there as a child and because it’s still a property that is “family owned” you can sense the tradition and memory as the key turns in the lock.
The very first time I was here and the door creaked opened to the warm – but not unpleasant – smell of humidity and age, I was nearly overcome with a sense of Those-Who-have-Gone-Before-Us.
It was just like being invited to a crazy, crowded party where everyone has convened in the kitchen, chatting loudly and you have to enter sideways with your bottle of wine, introducing yourself.
Except that the kitchen was empty.
I am often very sensitive to this type of thing so I wasn’t unduly freaked out and besides, the vibe was friendly enough but it did serve to re-ignite a really unsettling feeling that I often experience now which is being super conscious that I am still, and possibly always will be, The New Girl.
And what can I do? There’s simply not enough time for me to be fully accepted and it makes me acutely aware that I no longer have the extended family that I was comfortable with when I myself was married. Strangely, for example, I knew my ex-husbands’ parents more than twice as long as my own.
I am not a fan of this feeling but don’t know what to do about it.
I often feel as though as I am driving a motor boat and pulling behind me three decades of memories that just won’t drop the line.
Cats . Spring . The General . Travel
Time’s Actually Not on my Side
On April 11, 2016 by Speranza
It’s nearly the middle of April and I am desperate, desperate for spring. I pace around the house looking at projects I want to get going on, corners I would like to scrub out with a toothbrush (yes, it’s come to this!) and the Pantry-of-Shame which is overflowing with partially full boxes of crackers, raisins from seven years ago and an unattractive waterfall of plastic bags. Every time I open the door I am ashamed and antsy to tackle it but when the weekend unfurls and time presents itself, I become strangely busy with other things and cannot bear the thought of committing an entire day to those little screws of paper with three pieces of macaroni in each one, gack …
I’m also watching the same pattern of promising myself, really hard, oath-taking promises here to do something (exercise; eat better; clean out the effing pantry) and then I watch myself not following-up.
This is not like me to procrastinate like this (or, is it) and I’ve become extremely frustrated with myself.
Nature . Travel
Pelican (Brief!)
On April 2, 2016 by Speranza
Okay this is the last in my series of posts about Puerto Vallarta and celebrates one of my favourite birds – the Pelican.
(I am not a nerd even though this is already starting to sound like an earnest Grade 3 essay.)
With their endearing pouchiness and slightly dour demeanor, to me, they are the flying curmudgeons of the sky, most often seen soaring in military trios, looking for all the world as though they should be wearing tiny Civil War hats. Their eyes also remind us that yes, birds really did evolve from raptors and there is an intelligence behind that steely gaze that commands respect and keeping one’s distance.
I did not pay close enough heed to either of these thoughts when I took the above photo of a previously blissed-out pelican, (reading glasses possibly pushed up onto his forehead as he dozed) and I thought I’d get a really good close-up shot of him in repose.
Introspection . Travel
Zona Romantica – Part II
On March 29, 2016 by Speranza
I have to say that while we were in Mexico we had the most charming array of taxi drivers and I never once had the feeling that we were being “played.” Perhaps we were just fortunate but being an intuitive sort I really believe that sometimes the most obvious explanation – that these were actually kind, uncomplicated people – is the truth. One driver in particular, an older, stocky man clearly happy to have yet another opportunity to test-drive his English was especially sweet and after an initially awkward beginning ( kind of like the feeling you had as a teenager when Someone’s Else’s Dad was driving you home and they run out of steam after “Sooo, how’s school going?”) we had a really spirited, excellent rapport which culminated in him handing over his cellphone and insisting that I scroll through his photos of local construction sites, places he had been with family etc.
So a genuine sharing, not a lead-in to “I-can-take-you-there-later-for-special-price.”
When we got out at the airport, I complimented him on his driving as well as his English and he bowed deeply, squeezed my hand and said “God Bless You.” I felt irrationally moved and sad since we were leaving that morning. I also felt extremely angry and defensive recalling all the people at home who had grimaced knowingly and made disparaging, warning comments about going to Mexico. As they say in the north of England: “Best to take people as you find them.”
On a more base level, we also had some take-your-breath-away handsome taxi drivers. This is a look I myself have always appreciated (dark and swarthy not taxi-drivers, per se) and can probably be easily traced back to watching re-runs of I Love Lucy and experiencing first twinges of lust for the then-stunning Desi Arnaz …
But back to our gripping tale.