Buddhism . Divorce . Introspection
Judgement Day
On July 10, 2017 by Speranza
It’s always strange to me how certain moments in your life are especially memorable even it they have no reason to be and can be recalled again and again with complete clarity. I remember parking on a free-lined street nearly nine years ago now and since I was early for an appointment decided to just wait in the car till it was closer to the time. It was mid-morning, someone was cutting their grass so the air was filled with that luscious green smell of fresh earth and sweetness. I was sleep-deprived and close to tears (again) as it was not long after my husband had left. As I watched, I saw a pewter Subaru pull into the driveway of a well-maintained home with a tangled English garden in front and fat bumblebees were lowering themselves into hooded flowers. A woman with a blondish-grey ponytail pulled sleekly through the back of a navy baseball hat got out of the car and carefully balancing a Starbucks cup, frisked up the steps in form-fitting running gear before absent-mindedly pointing the car keys over her shoulder to chook-chook the lock. Then the house door clicked shut and she was gone from my view.
Introspection . Music
Little Sparrow and More
On February 20, 2017 by Speranza
Today is the last day of a few days off – no particular reason for time off – just something to break up February and offer the chance of getting some things done around the house. To that end, I have failed miserably and I don’t know why but I just couldn’t face starting a project: perhaps, because there are so many things that need attention and I feel overwhelmed. I then play games with myself all day that I will start emptying a closet in a minute, then after a snack and before you know it, yes, I have been on the computer looking at items I will literally never buy or getting lured down a rabbit-hole of dire political forecasts.
I hate to be such a cliché but there it is.
Anxiety . Introspection
Getting Through January
On January 23, 2017 by Speranza
It’s been ages since I posted here and I have been wittering and fretting about whether or not to even continue the blog, but ultimately, it’s a good discipline for a writer and frankly, the most instant way I know to be published. Which is often satisfying. All of this can make one feel extremely down of course (particularly when combined with a nasty virus that has only just released its claws from me) and I have spent rather too much time dwelling on Donald Trump, my own money worries, Black Mirror which I will never watch again as I only slept 92 minutes after watching two episodes, Donald Trump again, repetitively bad Tarot card readings and the atrophying effect that lack of collagen is wreaking on my person, which I like to confirm daily by going to the worst lit mirror in our house and hanging upside down.
I believe that this act may be the evil twin of doing Positive Affirmations.
Oh, and also wondering if I should be scanning the Book of Revelation with a fresher, keener eye for detail since the world we are living in at the moment seems poised for something that is um, not greatness.
Introspection . Nature . Poetry . The General
Some Keep the Sabbath going to Church — (236)
On May 15, 2016 by Speranza
Some keep the Sabbath going to Church –
I keep it, staying at Home –
With a Bobolink for a Chorister –
And an Orchard, for a Dome –
Introspection . Travel
Zona Romantica – Part II
On March 29, 2016 by Speranza
I have to say that while we were in Mexico we had the most charming array of taxi drivers and I never once had the feeling that we were being “played.” Perhaps we were just fortunate but being an intuitive sort I really believe that sometimes the most obvious explanation – that these were actually kind, uncomplicated people – is the truth. One driver in particular, an older, stocky man clearly happy to have yet another opportunity to test-drive his English was especially sweet and after an initially awkward beginning ( kind of like the feeling you had as a teenager when Someone’s Else’s Dad was driving you home and they run out of steam after “Sooo, how’s school going?”) we had a really spirited, excellent rapport which culminated in him handing over his cellphone and insisting that I scroll through his photos of local construction sites, places he had been with family etc.
So a genuine sharing, not a lead-in to “I-can-take-you-there-later-for-special-price.”
When we got out at the airport, I complimented him on his driving as well as his English and he bowed deeply, squeezed my hand and said “God Bless You.” I felt irrationally moved and sad since we were leaving that morning. I also felt extremely angry and defensive recalling all the people at home who had grimaced knowingly and made disparaging, warning comments about going to Mexico. As they say in the north of England: “Best to take people as you find them.”
On a more base level, we also had some take-your-breath-away handsome taxi drivers. This is a look I myself have always appreciated (dark and swarthy not taxi-drivers, per se) and can probably be easily traced back to watching re-runs of I Love Lucy and experiencing first twinges of lust for the then-stunning Desi Arnaz …
But back to our gripping tale.